


Spider No. 9

by orphan_account



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I'll add more tags as i go, Mild Blood, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, Slow Burn, chrollo is u know charming chrollo, kinda sad, like in a fighting way, reader is a spider for the troupe and assassin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:07:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25366603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: You're contracted by Chrollo Lucilfer to join the spiders to assist in killing an enemy hunting them down, you gain more than you bargain for.
Relationships: Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer/Reader
Comments: 13
Kudos: 120





	1. Chapter 1

Your nails tapped against the wooden table, silence save for the rain beating against the windows outside. Not everyone in the Phantom Troupe had arrived yet. It was strange since the last one to come was Feitan and Phinks. You’d seen little of them lately; they were out hunting more than focusing on group projects Chrollo does his best to assign. Chrollo sat next to you, a book propped between his fingers. Grey eyes hiding behind the hair against his face, scanning through the text at a leisurely speed, lips graced in a calm, slight smile.

You were never sure how he could maintain composure. You had been by his side only for three months and in every situation where things seem tight or bleak, he always took it on with a spoonful of charisma and indifference. Chrollo found you and asked you to join, putting you on hold from assassin work for a while which is fine. You were getting bored with being so good at murder. Your skills were comparable to the Zoldyck family; only those who needed you knew who you were, so Chrollo finding you was shocking.

It was also a bit of a shock to you since you also grew up in Meteor City alongside him. They didn’t know you were there; you lurked in the shadows and trained yourself to become stronger. You trained yourself to withstand torture, nurturing all forms of your Nen to hit the gate running at 18 where you felt people will take you seriously. From the shadows, you admired Chrollo and his friends. Unlike you, they saw being abandoned by their parents in a city of trash as a chance to make something fun with the rest of their lives. To take what they felt belonged to them, or so you thought. The purpose of their troupe was unknown. You weren’t close to them. When Chrollo found you in a cafe, approaching you to join the Troupe in exchange for a gem you were being commissioned to find, you couldn’t say no.

It aligned well within your common interests to be with the spiders. For one, your assignment by your client was to steal back a gem that was once theirs and kill anyone in the way. Chrollo was the one who had the gem, and while at the moment it inclined you to kill him, he laughed and explained that only he can find it. Second, Chrollo also explained that an ex-member of their troupe named Hisoka was trying to hunt down every one of the spiders to isolate Chrollo and kill him once and for all. You saw why Chrollo was offering an exchange. You were offering your skill set and protection to the spiders against Hisoka who would interfere with your mission. Common sense above all kicked in and you became spider number nine.

Feitan walked in, breaking you from your train of thoughts. In the three months you had known the spiders, Feitan always had a look of tiresome annoyance in his face.

“My apologies for being late, I thought we had a lead.” Feitan’s voice mimicked his facial expressions. Phinks following behind with a faint grunt of agreement, his eyes seemed to flash with anger.

Chrollo closed his book after bookmarking it, shrugging a little with his ever peaceful smile gracing his lips. Everyone’s eyes in the room were on him and he met each one, saving yours for last.

“We still have one more person coming, they’ll be our latest addition. The circumstances are strange but I implore you to keep your mind open to it.” His voice tranquil was tranquil as he spoke. He didn’t tell you about this — which he didn’t owe you — but he kept you updated with almost everything that would be essential. An unknown member was important, but you kept your mouth shut. He owed you nothing, and no one else knew of it either when some have known him for five years.

“Well, who is it?” Shizuku asked. Machi nodded in agreement. Being told to keep an open mind to strange circumstances when they were being hunted by Hisoka was a heady request since he was manipulative and tactful.

“Illumi Zoldyck, I hired him to kill the Ten Dons previously. He performs fine work and shows results quickly. The circumstances are strange so I’ll let Illumi shed some light on it for you rather than I.” Chrollo always spoke with such calm, resolute it was hard to argue against him on any matter.

No one could argue. Then again, no one argued much with Chrollo since the passing of Shalnark and Kortopi. It fueled the members with the need to seek revenge against Hisoka. Any move Chrollo made would be the one they would listen to. They welcomed Kalluto in the troupe pretty warmly. You joined the troupe immediately after, followed by Illumi. You noticed Kalluto and Illumi shared the same surname. You probably weren’t the first one to notice either, so being open-minded would be easier since Kalluto only showed promise.

The door opened for you to see a tall pale man with wide eyes void of emotion. They were black, staring into everyone else’s. He had long black hair that reached his hips and his lips seemed to be in a slight line.

“Hi, I’m Illumi Zoldyck,” he greeted, his voice also void of emotion. Illumi was probably one of the scariest-looking people you’d ever met, but you kept quiet. “Hisoka commissioned me to join the troupe and take the place of spider 11 to assist you in killing him. Seems as if he thought Chrollo would allow it, and sure enough he did.” He made it sound like this was light-hearted conversation. There wasn’t a care in the world.

Your eyes flickered over to Chrollo who didn’t look your way but down at the table with a faint smile on his lips. This was dangerous. An enemy asking an assassin to join your cause in killing him? Assassins were loyal to the highest bidder; their own code of conduct went against them. You thought Chrollo would be smarter than to accept Illumi into the troupe based on a contract that can end or change. You were upset, but you trained yourself to conceal your emotions fairly well. The time to address this wasn’t here and now, but later on, when you were alone with him which was often.

“So Hisoka paid you, himself, to chase him and kill him with us?” Feitan asked. You were thankful someone doesn’t hold back their opinions and doesn’t sugarcoat the annoyance in his voice either.

“Ah, yes!” Illumi nodded. He folded his arms across his chest and pointed a finger at Feitan. “He told me he enjoys being chased, so he added someone else to the roster. Hisoka is strange, I’ve helped him many times in many things, but I understand his technique. I’d be nothing but an asset to you.”

Your eyes narrowed at him. You didn’t like him. You couldn’t pin why. Maybe it was because he made everything sound like a fun game.

“What if he called off the contract? Or paid you more to turn against us?” Nobunaga asked. Another person who never kept his mouth shut with opinions.

Illumi tipped his head to the side, lips in an ‘o’ shape as he thought only for a few seconds.

“If he calls off the contract we part ways, I work only for when I get paid. This isn’t fun for me, but if he paid more to turn against all of you, then I suppose I’d kill you then,” he quipped. Once again, he spoke like he was having a casual positive conversation.

Heat flashed against the back of your neck as you looked to Chrollo who finally lifted his eyes from the table. Something made it complicated to explain, but you’d trust him with your life as he trusted you with his. There was a connection between you two that you were comfortable with, but right now you felt disappointed that he made the call to allow Illumi into your troupe.

“I understand the circumstances are strange, and there’s always a risk, but I feel like this would be the smartest move. Hisoka isn’t one to put off the dirty work for someone else, he handles it himself. He’s been working avidly to see me die.” He laughed a little, but no one else could bring a laugh to bubble. “Trust me, if something goes wrong, I’ll be the one responsible for it.”

The sincerity you had always admired since your childhood came forward. You were never sure if it was genuine sincerity, and even now you struggled to determine if he meant what he said. He treated everything with wistful charisma, but you still nodded along with the rest of them.

“Thank you. I’d like to stop and rest here for a little while. I’d also hope the rest of you stay, I’m making it a rule to only travel in groups of two or more from now on. If you stay, we can find Hisoka together since he’s bound to chase us, we’d be one step ahead of him. If you’d like to stay, gather supplies you’d like and enjoy the city amenities, just take the extra step of precaution,” Chrollo finished with finality, and while it seemed like an open offer for everyone to stay, it was a request to help kill Hisoka rather than do it separately. Chrollo’s always been intelligent; you admired that, too.

The room emptied shortly after, giving you time to look around the room. There were a few missing ceiling lights up above you but it was brightly lit. The room itself was clean; the chairs had a little layer of dust, but it wasn’t bad. Chrollo had you investigate the building to make sure no one inhabited inside. The worst you saw was an unstable foundation in a few spots, holes in the ceilings, and flickering lights. It was here that you and the spiders called home, and while you wanted to go out and choose a room for you to sleep in, you needed this discussion with Chrollo to come now.

It upset you that he kept so many secrets from you. Illumi, the purpose of coming here and calling everyone to stay, these were things you needed to know. He contracted you to guard him and you were left out of his plans. Something could go wrong and you wouldn’t know how to go about it since he did things without you knowing. A sigh fell from your lips, making Chrollo look over at you.

“I know you’re upset with me, [Name].” The peace in his voice comforted you and made you feel like you could express your feelings.

“Why didn’t you tell me anything about this? Illumi? Plans? You remember why you asked me to be here, correct? To protect you and the spiders from any dangers?” You were hoping you didn’t come across as defensive, but you were incredibly upset.

His calm facial expression didn’t help, but he turned to you and took one of your hands that had balled into tight fists to press against his palm. An exhale passed through your nose. You were tense but he always knew how to level you out. Despite thinking that you weren’t emotional, anger and stress got the better of you.

“Relax, I’m not fond of you when you’re upset with me. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t see a need to. Your job is important, yes, and I understand information is power with your job, but protection for you is more important to me. The spider can live without the head, but if it loses its legs, there is no purpose. I needed to make sure you’d be safe first, you’re right next to me at all times, you’re the leg who would die first.” He released your hand as all the tension melted from you with each word he spoke.

A slight smile graced your lips, making you look down shyly. You knew he prioritized all the members equally, but you liked him looking out for you.

“Next time please at least tell me you’re doing something, okay, Chrollo? You make it so hard to do my job,” you joked, watching him chuckle quietly in response.

“Yes, [Name], I’ll tell you.” He stood up now, his long purple jacket falling down to his knees as he fixed the grey faux fur by his face. “Would you like to go hunting with me?”

A grin spread across your face as the bloodlust in your aura spiked for only a second before you tamed it, nodding as you stared up at Chrollo.

“Let’s go hunt for Hisoka.”


	2. Chapter 2

Chrollo chose a pleasant city similar to York New. There were more skyscrapers, small alleyways, markets, and the traffic wasn’t the best, but you liked the vibrancy. Your favorite places to take assignments in were cities since you got to treat yourself to the lavish things it offered you.

Chrollo walked alongside you, hands stuffed into the pocket of his purple jacket as he looked forward. He looked unfazed, more so focusing on the attractions or people around both of you. You couldn’t tell if he didn’t have his guard up or if he prefers to not appear as if he does. It wouldn’t be very smart if he ignored the genuine threat Hisoka posed.

Hisoka was known to have an eye on everything around him, including people he considered his targets so he could track their movements. He was most likely lurking in the city by now, waiting for his perfect time to strike. You’d never met Hisoka before, but word of mouth was enough to make you wish you wouldn’t ever have to meet him. You’d heard of him before Chrollo got to you, about his triumphs in Heaven’s Arena and how he was the one to beat. Someone like that wasn’t someone you’d like to associate yourself with. Fighting wasn’t for you; you liked quick simple jobs that only involved one movement from you to see a body on the floor.

“Bit crowded here, isn’t it?” Chrollo asked, making you turn your head to look at him.

“A little, I can’t turn on my En here or I’d feel them pass through every second,” you mumbled, feeling vaguely annoyed.

A faint chuckle slipped past Chrollo’s lips as he pushed his hand through the hair that framed his face.

“Don’t worry too much, you’ll know when you see him. We aren’t being followed that I’m aware of, but with Hisoka he’d conceal his bloodlust by using In well enough to remain unnoticed in such a busy place,” Chrollo said. His eyes averted to see what was in front of him.

You knew he meant those words to be comforting but you didn’t like that no matter what, Hisoka would get the upper hand if he was here. You were practically useless for Chrollo right now. Chrollo meant well to tell you to not worry and enjoy being out, but you couldn’t take a moment’s rest. You were always on edge; there was never a moment where you weren’t resting. It wasn’t much, but you controlled your En to only encompass your personal space. At least, if someone came within the boundaries of your En first, you’d be able to detect them before they lay a hand on you. A perfect two-second window to activate your Hatsu.

“Mind if we stop? I have business here to attend to.” Chrollo stood in front of an artifact shop, pointing at it as his wide grey eyes met yours.

“Oh, sure, yeah. Go ahead. I’ll wait here.” You nodded, watching Chrollo make his way inside the store.

Your back was against the glass of the store window. You turned your head now and then to see Chrollo running his fingers across different blades or books. You sighed faintly, crossing your arms over your chest.  _ Useless _ . You were useless as you stood here waiting for your boss to finish his shopping spree. You really enjoyed working with Chrollo and being the one by his side, but sometimes you wished there was a little urgency in his actions. There are times and places to go shopping for books, and it’s not when his life's on the line.

A swift breeze flew by your face in that split moment and brushed your nose. It was so sudden it jolted you to look around until you found a card next to your right foot. The card face was the joker, making you swallow thickly. You were caught off guard, sulking in your own emotions to miss a person watching you. Your eyes looked around to spot whoever threw the card and much to your dismay, no one was there.

“So it finally begins,” you muttered as you pushed yourself off the glass to walk into the narrow alleyway between the two stores.

To protect yourself, you worked your aura up to Ken. It’d be your best bet to have every part of your body on guard and ready in the event someone tried to take you by surprise, it’d also help to have Gyo on to see other auras. There was nothing here. It was like a tease to have the card thrown at you only to see no one around you. Another swift breeze whirred by your cheek, but this time, it stung. You raised your fingers to your face and looked at them to see blood on your fingertips. The card on the floor felt like another tease: a king spade suit taunting you with your own blood splattered on it. Taunting laughter echoed throughout the brick walls of the alleyway, making you look around as irritation set in.

“I expected someone of your prowess to find me instantly, but I suppose in everything, there is a disappointment,” the smooth voice sang teasingly around you, words turning into a faint hum afterwards.

You rolled your eyes, deciding not to play at Hisoka’s game. This wasn’t for you to play — you would not allow yourself to play mouse as he feels like a cat watching you suffer in his trap.

“I didn’t think you were one to play games,” you muttered.

You heard the sound of his shoes scuffling until they got progressively louder and finally, you saw him land on the floor. Hisoka’s bright red hair shone in the alley’s shadow as he crouched with his hands on the ground, peering at you through his golden eyes. His lips curled into a smile and the pink star and yellow tear on his cheeks were scrunched. You could tell he was sizing you up as if you were his prey. You only met his gaze with a look of annoyance as if this was inconvenient for you.

“Took you long enough,” you quipped, watching his smile grow into an amused one.

“Playing games makes this fun. Are you going to disappoint me like Chrollo or would you like to humor me?” His confidence and his condescending tone sickened you. You hated how he felt so entitled to think he was better than you.

The danger of playing Hisoka’s game was that you didn’t know how his Nen ability worked. You knew about him being a transmuter like you, but you didn’t know how the bungee gum worked. If it was close contact, or if he could use his aura to create it and use it as a weapon. You also didn’t know if he was likely to wait to make the first move or not. He was unknown.

“We can play a game.” You kept the offer short and watched him stand up at his full towering height.

It wasn’t but a few seconds later that he charged at you, making you activate your Hatsu. Your aura could transmute to create the properties of blades within your aura that you can spawn anywhere on your body. You created one in the center of your palm, eyes focused intently on Hisoka charging at you, and before he could even lay a finger, you stabbed him in his shoulder with your palm blade. Swinging around to jump on his back, you spawned another blade into your other palm to hold against his neck. Your thumb barely held his chin as your other fingers rested against his neck, the blade just barely pressed against his skin.

He stilled for a moment, humming lowly only a few moments later. You couldn’t tell if his hum was of displeasure or intrigue. A hand wrapped around your wrist of the hand on his neck and his fingers tapped slowly against your veins.

“I’ll admit, I’m impressed with your ability. Not everyone can wound me and catch me at a weak point within the first few seconds, but you made an error.” He clicked his tongue afterwards and turned to look at you.

His golden eyes were impossible to read. You couldn’t tell if he was taunting you or helping you, but you didn’t really care for either his games or advice… if Hisoka  _ could _ even give you advice.

“And what would that be?” you asked. Hisoka’s tongue poked from his lips to lick over them.

“You don’t know how my Hatsu works. You’re now attached to my bungee gum. Bungee gum possesses the properties of both rubber and gum. I only need to touch you and you’re under my whim unless I remove the Hatsu myself.” He lifted his hand to reveal a pink sticky aura strand from your wrist.

Your blade pressed into his skin, making blood trickle down his neck. You were getting even for the wound on your cheek, but you also needed a bit of a threat. You feared Hisoka having the upper hand in the situation; you needed a way out of it.

“Remove the Hatsu, and I leave you be.” Hisoka chuckled, turning his head slowly to remove the Hatsu, and you lightened the pressure against his throat.

“Why did you tell me my error?” You had to ask since it was advice and he knew you were here to kill him.

He seemed unbothered about a blade against his throat. You knew he knew the situation he was in. Hisoka could’ve even used the bungee gum against you to flip you off of him and fight you, but he didn’t. He caved into the threat that you made out of fear.

“I want to fight you, but I’d like to do it properly rather than an instance where my motive is to kill you and you reveal you have hidden strengths. You’re not the smartest, but then again, neither am I. Just a little more vigilant than you are.” He licked his lips once more, making your eyebrows furrow.

“Why don’t you just continue the game you started here?”

Hisoka chuckled a little. He must like your curiosity considering he seemed nothing but entertained.

“I owe you the respect of a proper battle and that’s also the way I prefer it… to watch you die at my hands of a fair battle, your boss looking on with sadness in his eyes as your blood stains my hands… the fantasy in my mind is so entrancing I can barely contain myself.” He let out a little moan that turned into a pleased sigh You slowly slid off of him since it was uncomfortable.

“I won’t fight you, Hisoka.” You were resolute as you put away the blades. “We’ll only fight if Chrollo’s life is on the line. Other than that, your fantasy will stay like that: a fantasy.”

The smile on his face was challenging. You knew better than to show your intimidation but as he walked up to you, his chest nearly pressed against yours, and you could see the desire to slit your throat in his eyes.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he spoke, loud enough for only you two to hear before he turned around to disappear into the alley. “I’ll be back for you, and I will kill you with time.”

You didn’t even have to see him to know that he was smiling smugly.

It wasn’t until you were sure that he had left that you let yourself relax, slumping onto the ground and pulling your knees close to your chest. Your aura was finally off. Using Ken the entire time was exhausting, but you couldn’t let your defense slip up. Your legs were too wobbly to stand at the moment so sitting for a little would be your best bet. Fingers brushing over the bleeding wound, you rubbed your fingertips together before resting your head back against the cool brick wall.

You weren’t sure what you would do if Hisoka came back intending to fight you on his terms, but you couldn’t let Chrollo be the pawn in Hisoka’s game to see you dead. Something about his gratification in the way he wanted to see you dead on his behalf scared you. Almost everything about Hisoka scared you.

“[Name]?” Chrollo’s soft voice called out from the front of the store.

“Alley!” you yelled, watching him run over to you and crouch down.

His fingers were gentle as he lifted your chin. Compared to the malice and bloodlust in Hisoka’s eyes, Chrollo’s were gentle and filled with concern. His thumb brushed against the cut on your cheek, making him frown a bit.

“Is this the only wound you received?” he asked, so gentle it was as if it would startle you if he spoke any louder.

You nodded, watching as he focused on the cut.

“It is. He’s a character, that one. I captivated his interest. So at least the heat will be off you for a while,” you spoke with a smile. You expected Chrollo to smile back but he didn’t.

“Why is that?” His voice was the most serious you’ve ever heard.

“He wishes to fight me— a proper one, but I declined him so I’m sure he’ll find me until he does,” you explained with a sigh. Chrollo nodded understandingly in response.

“I wish you didn’t humor him. Hisoka only runs with those wild ideas if you humor him or show your true strength. I admire you for looking out for me but now your life is also at high risk, so that’s very counterproductive.”

“You act like this is something I intended to happen, I didn’t know what the best move to do was besides keep him away from you,” you snapped, looking away from him to your bloodstained fingertips.

He should know your motives wouldn’t be to make something more difficult. Hisoka was hard to read. You wouldn’t have known his full deck of cards even if you spent time with him every day like you have with Chrollo. He was unpredictable, flighty, and intimidating. You did the best you could.

“I’m aware, but be more careful next time,” he retaliated, standing up and offering a hand to you which you took. You stood up weakly.

You shouldn’t have expected an apology since this is how both of you were with one another. Some days, he’d apologize to you if he feels as if he shouldn’t have upset you, but most days he won’t apologize and make sure you feel very accountable for your actions. Neither of you took much time to think through why someone did something emotional or for a reason. Both of you looked at what someone had done and posed it in a unique light.

You looked at situations where things had gone wrong and took it personally. Chrollo saw it as why didn’t you think a few steps ahead and use your gifts to your advantage. Neither of you met in the middle on days where you found that you couldn’t agree to apologize to one another. You wouldn’t change it, though. Chrollo had a backbone and you wouldn’t want someone to be by your side who would cave every time you got upset. You’d like to think he wouldn’t want the same. He liked new challenges, hence why his favorite treasure of all was stealing nen from those who would be the trickiest to take.

Both of you together posed an additional challenge for one another every day that you both lacked: human understanding.

Even now, as you both walked in silence with his arm around your waist to support your weight, you understood why Chrollo was upset with you. You had an ability that most people would love to have, and out of fear of making a mistake, you underestimated yourself. You hesitated. You could’ve killed him had you not worried about making the wrong move. He intimidated you by catching you off guard with the first card; you didn’t know his nen, and naturally, you panicked. Had you been calm, you would’ve thought a few steps ahead and been more careful.

“I didn’t mean to freeze up and cause more issues.” You turned your head to look at Chrollo who was busy ushering you through the busy crowd.

He looked pretty up close. The slope of his nose cast a shadow against his face in the setting sun. His grey eyes twinkled like it was a stormy night sky and there were stars dancing in them. His soft black hair bounced softly against his skin. You admired the way he looked more often than you’d like to, but you dismissed it. Everyone liked pretty things.

“I know you didn’t. I didn’t mean to imply it was something you had intended to do either.” 

He understood you. The sincerity in his eyes made you fond and you had to look away. You felt yourself get shy and as you both walked in silence with you leaning into his chest. You had done this over the past three months, growing closer both physically and emotionally. He had a comforting aura to him that made you feel you’d known him forever. He was welcoming. He always encouraged you to be closer and rely on him, to stay by him and keep him company in any way possible.

You didn’t know him forever, though. You were an admirer as a child and you only knew of his strengths, how he preferred to carry himself on the exterior. You couldn’t read him, you didn’t know his full nen abilities, you didn’t know why he made the troupe or his true motives— you knew nothing. You thought about that more than the things that made you happy. Happiness was fleeting for you; it would never be permanent. You wondered if he had happiness in the life he chose for himself or if it was like yours, and some day, you hoped that you could get to know him for who he was rather than the façade he showed you.

“We’ll work on your nen tomorrow so you don’t freeze up and think a few steps ahead,” he spoke as he opened the door for you.

“Thank you,” you muttered shyly, and his charismatic smile had taken form once more.

One day, you’d hope to see if that smile was genuine, rather than believing it was, but your happiness was fleeting.  _ This is a job _ , you harshly reminded yourself, and you wouldn’t get anything from learning about Chrollo, and so the thought left as fast as it came. The minute Hisoka dies, you would leave. It would be better if you remained focused, and if you get to know him, it’ll be on his terms rather than exerting yourself to make the departure more painful than it needs to be.

“Goodnight. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He parted ways with you at your bedroom door.

“Goodnight. See you.” You waved, shakily shutting the door that was missing a hinge on the frame.

It wasn’t much of a bedroom, but it was better than nothing. The floor was clean, the lights worked, and there was just junk stored in the room next to a small cot with a wool blanket and thin pillow. It was a slow climb into the bed. You stared up at the black ceiling, and you dreamed of grey eyes looking at you when you fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is gurensichinose if you'd like to interact there!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chrollo helps you with your nen and addresses a fear of yours.

“You’re hesitating, [Name],” Chrollo chided you, standing in front of you without breaking a sweat. His long hair rested against his face, his cross tattoo peeking out from between the strands.

You stared at him begrudgingly as you pushed your hair out of your eyes, carefully avoiding the blade in your palm. You’d only been at this for an hour outside in an empty field next to the building you were staying at and you were exhausted. Switching your Nen between Ken and Ko to not even be able to touch Chrollo once with your blades was tiring.

“I don’t want to hurt you. I want to hurt Hisoka,” you complained, walking back a little way from Chrollo.

You watched his head cock to the side as he studied you. He shrugged, his hands slipping into the pockets of his black cargo pants. Chrollo always had a way to look like he didn’t care much about anything, not with malicious intent but in a fun and carefree way. Today wasn't any different, but there was a seriousness to his expression.

“You won’t hurt him,” he stated.

“What do you mean I won’t?” you snapped, dropping your Hatsu as you walked over to Chrollo to be face-to-face to him.

The anger in your expressions and words must have humored him, but he didn’t say it as he took your hands gently in his own. He used touch to soothe you whereas everyone else got words of comfort. You weren’t sure if it was because words of comfort meant little to you as actions did, but it worked. Even if right now you were staring at him with enough anger to burn a hole in between his eyes.

His thumb delicately brushed over your knuckles, waiting for your hands to loosen tension then laced your fingers together. The tension lost in your hands made your entire body relax, the anger not so much, but at least you weren’t a built-up bundle of nerves ready to strike if he spoke.

“You fear him. You hesitate with me because you’re afraid of hurting me, but what scares you about Hisoka? Unpredictability? That you don’t have the upper hand? What scares you?” Chrollo made it sound like a simple question, but it wasn’t simple enough for you to answer.

Hisoka was a lot in one person that you didn’t like. He treated everything as if it were a game, he was cunning, he was  _ unpredictable _ . He was a mixed bag of tricks and you knew he was smarter than he let on. You didn’t think it was that, though. You’d encountered plenty of people and killed people for horrible reasons you didn’t even want to think about. You’d killed plenty of people for money alone and you weren’t above them. Chrollo was what scared you with Hisoka.

Chrollo was the pawn in Hisoka’s game, and one wrong move on your part could mean his death paralyzes you with fear to act. That paralyzing fear was the wrong move which you realized, but you didn’t know how else to act. Hisoka could act in any situation. You didn’t have that thought since your methods were well-planned attacks from behind. You always had the advantage and now you were the one being hunted. You were the one protecting someone from dying.

Everything depended on Chrollo’s life.

This shouldn’t mean so much to you as it did. Saving Chrollo’s life shouldn’t mean so much to you professionally since if you couldn’t get the gem, it didn’t hold much value to you. They’d pay someone else to get it instead, you’d carry on with your life but Chrollo dying under your watch made you feel empty. You’d never felt like that with anyone else before. If someone you were working with died on the job, it was an occupational hazard they weren’t cut out for but Chrollo dying, i was almost too much to think about.

“I’m scared of him using you as a pawn and you die.” Your voice was barely above a whisper as you squeezed his hands gently.

You were expecting him to say something about how hesitation will lead him to his demise. Something about how fear is holding back your true potential. Things you already knew and would be a nuisance to drill in your head. Maybe he’d even say something about how he expected Hisoka’s unpredictability to be the root cause of your fear.

You didn’t expect him to soften. Chrollo let down the guard in his eyes and the carefree look to fall away into a soft, genuine one. You were sure Chrollo carried the burden of his only family dying, so you theorized that he’ll express how he doesn’t want the rest of them to die.

“I worry about him killing you for leverage. You’re the one closest to me, you will die first. I’m afraid your death will come any day now.” His voice matched yours in volume and tone, but you stared at him dumbfounded.

You knew that Chrollo cared whether you lived or died, it’s known he looks out for you. You didn’t know he fears you dying, however. You didn’t think that’s something that crossed his mind, fear. You didn’t know if someone like him could process fear, which is ridiculous. As a child, he had to have felt it just like you. Being alone in Meteor City, left to die with nothing there to keep you alive unless you found a path. Chrollo had to process fear just like you did, but you thought he didn’t have fear anymore.

Starting the troupe, killing people, stealing things, and Nen, always being on the run, it wasn’t for everyone. Most people would look over their shoulders in fear someone would be ready to kill them, but not Chrollo. Chrollo always took extra precautions, made sure no one knew their faces and could find them. You were sure that wasn’t fear, but common sense so he could live a life in the way he’d like to. His fear was out in the open and out on display for you to see. Fear for you, maybe losing you. You didn’t humor the latter too much.

“I wouldn’t worry about me dying,” you tried to comfort him. It was your best idea to do since you were still a bit in shock he’s scared of you dying.

“I  _ do _ worry about you dying. I can’t explain why, and maybe it’s part of understanding myself that I haven’t gotten to doing yet, but losing you is very scary to me,” he mumbled, squeezing your hands once more.

Now you were in pure shock as you stared up at him with a stupid expression on your face. Losing Chrollo was scary to you for reasons you couldn’t piece together. You understood yourself; you knew who you were, but it was feelings in yourself you didn’t understand. You didn’t understand your admiration for Chrollo, or why losing him meant so much to you, and you didn’t understand how this could mean the same to him either. You wanted to see his true self, and he opened up to you, but it left you dumbfounded.

“Losing you is very scary to me too,” you stated, thinking it was obvious but the inkling of a smile on his lips like he needed to hear that said otherwise.

It was out in the open now. You were both scared of losing one another, but instead of it being awkward, it made you feel closer to him. You were both people who weren’t used to relying on feelings for happiness or understanding. Having emotional support on both ends made you feel good, and you’d like to think he felt better about it. Your feelings were something you’d like to look into if it made you feel this nice.

“We shouldn’t let our fear take over our primary actions or we will lose each other. We will make a mistake, and we will mess up and lose someone. Always think with your intention in mind, your purpose. Whether it be saving me or just killing Hisoka, think through any idea to get you to that point.” His words were spoken with so much confidence it inspired you.

He was right. Everything he told you was. Thinking ahead and focusing on the purpose of your goal was the only way to fight Hisoka. Hisoka preyed off fear and weakness that he found in his attraction to strength. Your fear and weakness were Chrollo himself, which you made apparent to the clown last time you spoke to him.

“Don’t hesitate, [Name]. Don’t show your fear to him, never let him see your deck of cards as easily as he will show you his. He always has trick cards up his sleeve. You do not,” he finished with finality and released your hands.

You wished he didn’t let go of your hands. The warmth in them as he held yours made you feel safe and needed. You never felt wanted somewhere before, but being around Chrollo and feeling your hands in his made you feel wanted. You nodded, letting your hands fall to your sides.

“I won’t hesitate,” you mumbled, watching his smile grace his face once more.

He was back to being carefree, and you liked it when he’s carefree, but now part of you wanted to see more of him. You already made a promise to yourself that you wouldn’t attempt to get to know him unless he revealed himself to you. You planned to keep that promise, but it seemed so tempting to just prod once. To ask him to reveal himself to you just once. You wouldn’t. Instead, you closed your eyes to meditate to activate your Hatsu.

“When did you first fear my death?” he asked, catching you off guard and stopping your meditating.

Chrollo had always been curious to learn more about his peers around him and the places you went to. Watching him for three months as he learned about people and places, you gathered this much. You didn’t know how much he knew about you since he didn’t outright ask you anything. This was the first time he asked you a question, and he laughed at how off guard it caught you.

“My apologies. Didn’t mean to disrupt your meditation,” he spoke through brief laughs which made you crack a smile.

“It’s okay. I don’t know. I don’t think about my emotional responses but maybe it’s something that’s been in the back of my mind, seeing Hisoka illustrate it to life,” you muttered, scratching the back of your neck. This was your time to ask him a question. He opened the door for you to do so. “What about you?”

Chrollo crossed his arms over his chest, his thoughtful look taking shape. He always took a little more to think than you did, and he was a quick thinker. His intelligence astounded you, but you knew this wouldn’t be something he could come to a quick answer with. It involved a feeling he didn’t understand.

“Your life became important to me once you joined the troupe, but I became fearful once Illumi joined since the risk of you dying became higher since Hisoka elevated his idea.” He sounded thoughtful, as if he wasn’t sure that was the case or not but even if it was a lie, you were inclined to believe it’s the truth.

He lied through his teeth to anyone around him. Chrollo will sell them a dream, take their Nen and most valuable possessions and leave. He never once told a lie to the troupe, so you were more inclined to believe anything he tells you since you were one of the Spiders. The way he looked at you like nothing was shielding his words made you feel as if he truly took your life into account and now feared losing you.

“Do you fear my death because of the gem I offered to trade?” he asked, making a happy feeling bubble in your stomach at the curiosity he had taken to you.

Maybe for once, you were the one he couldn’t read instead of it being the other way around.

“No, if I can’t find the gem they pay someone else. My fear is losing you because I enjoy being around you…” you trailed off, but not enough to where he couldn’t hear you.

He looked lost on what to say next, almost expecting you to ask if it’s mutual for him, but he was smart enough to know that would be your next question.

“It’s the same fear for me,” he mumbled, pushing a loose strand of your hair behind your ear.

Your cheeks heated, flushing a crimson red up to the tips of your ears as you fidgeted your fingers as a distraction to relax from his words.

“Nice to know,” you whispered, watching his eyes light up.

He stared at you for a beat longer before turning around, the ghost of a genuine smile on his lips as he walked out of the empty field back towards the building.

“Come, you need a meal. We’ll come back later,” he called out to you.

The giddy feeling in your stomach was hard to contain for much longer, but you repressed it while chasing his retreating form.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is gurensichinose if you wanna interact there!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hisoka sets his timeframe for his fight and studies you and Chrollo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is gurensichinose  
> I post a lot more content on there! Feel free to send in a request for me to write or fic opinions! I'd like to interact with you all!

Classical music filled your ears as your eyes watched the rain from the window. Candles lighting the dark room you and Chrollo sat in who used a candle as lighting to read a book. It’s been four days since you’ve seen Hisoka. It’s been non-stop training your nen and fears to only strengthen you, and you’d like to think you’ve drastically improved on your responses. Not enough where Chrollo felt comfortable finding Hisoka again, so you both sat in the abandoned building listening to Clair De Lune.

Feitan, Phinks, and Franklin took your place for the past four days, but each day they’d come back disappointed. Shizuku and Machi patrolled, but also came back with possessions they believed Chrollo would like. He turns each one away with a kind smile, assuring they can keep it. Nonbunaga and Bonolenov set protection around the building as their members roamed, while Kalluto assisted Illumi in his own patrolling. Everyone had a purpose, they’d all come together at night to dine and discuss their day. Illumi humming in agreement with Feitan being annoyed at not being able to find Hisoka.

You wonder briefly if he’s waiting to see you both on the street again. Maybe he’s waiting for you to find him out of fear he’d find you first to kill you and kill Chrollo. You’re more level-headed than that now, you have more common sense to find Hisoka and fall into his trap.

You look over at Chrollo, who was only lit by a candle. Black long sleeve shirt, black loose pants, his favorite pair of boots, and long black hair. Book propped between his fingers as his eyes quickly scanned the text in front of him until they lifted to meet yours. Your cheeks heat and you’re thankful the room is dark. You didn’t like that you blushed at Chrollo just looking at you, but perhaps it’s just embarrassment at being caught.

“Yes?” He asked, making you look back out the window with a little shrug.

“We’re not doing anything,” you mumbled, listening to his book shut and shuffling as you could feel his weight next to you on the dusty sofa.

“We need a break. I encourage everyone to take a break, but no one listens to me, so I’m making us take a break,” Chrollo muttered softly.

You turned your head to see him staring at the rain. The sky is hazy; the sun hidden behind dark grey clouds. Everything outside looked melancholic but familiar to you. The rain made the world look dark, unforgiving, and that’s the world you knew of. You didn’t enjoy taking breaks since you thought about things you didn’t want to think about. Your childhood, your current way of life, the feeling of coming home by yourself every night to an empty place to stay with bloodstained clothes, saying goodbye to Chrollo once everything ends.

“Maybe they don’t want a break because they need the distraction,” you whispered while your gaze focused back out to the rain.

Chrollo only hummed in thought as a response. He’s considering what you said, and you felt like maybe if he did, he’d understand what you meant by not doing anything. Part of you wants him to understand you so badly, just as much as you wish to understand him. You don’t make the solid steps to understand him, you’re leaving anyway, but you still want him to know you.

“There will be a day where there will be no distractions and we all will have to face what we’d wish to ignore,” he muttered.

You didn’t look at him. He’s telling the truth, but it’s not what you wanted to hear. He included himself in needing to face the truth, but you knew it’d be different for him than you. He’s logical and methodical, he’d most likely be able to deduce anything down to a logical explanation. You aren’t as logical; you aren’t someone who’s emotionally put together. You’d make it a mess.

  
  


A small familiar laugh interrupted your conversation, getting up immediately to stand guard in front of Chrollo. Your Hatsu activated, a blade sticking out both your palms and wrist blades replacing your nails. Something you never thought to do until Chrollo suggested it’d be useful. The laugh is like Hisoka’s, leaving you on edge.

It’d be a nightmare if he found you and came to kill you now, it’s something you weren’t very prepared for. Your control and power with your nen improved. You knew Hisoka would want to get the upper hand on you, but you didn’t think it’d be so soon.

“How sweet. Chrollo, why didn’t we have talks like that?” Hisoka’s teasing voice echoed and soon he came into view under the dim lighting of the candles.

Chrollo’s hand held your waist as he stood, keeping you close to him, and slowly he moved to stand in front of you. You looked at him in shock, shaking your head to which he only looked at you sternly. He knew what he was doing, and he didn’t want you in the way. Meekly, you nodded and deactivated your Hatsu.

“How did you find us?” Chrollo asked, straightforward to the point.

Hisoka ran a hand through his hair, leaning against the door frame with nonchalance. His body turned to the side to rest his head against it, looking at his hand and messing with his sharp nails.

“Feitan has been insistent on finding me. His bloodlust is strong enough to hide mine, so I followed to see where you’re all staying. I waited a few days before coming in to make sure your guard dog’s bloodlust is also potent enough. It was a bit of a gamble, but your spiders hate me. Seems my theory worked,” he chuckled at the end, turning his head now to look at you with a delighted smile.

“Your Nen improved, [Name]. I think within a week or two it’ll be time to drain your life with my hands,” Hisoka groaned out, head tipping back with a smile of ecstasy curling on his lips.

“You want to kill me, Hisoka. What’re you waiting for?” Chrollo asked before you got the chance to speak; his arm moving behind him to place his hand on your waist and guide you to stand behind him.

You’re not sure how and why Chrollo is guarding you when your job is to guard him. Hands placed on his arms as you peered to look at Hisoka, who’s studying the both of you. Hisoka approached a little closer, humming quietly, and got close enough to be within the personal space of Chrollo. Instead, he reached forward past his shoulder to lift your chin with your finger, making you jerk your head away with a scowl.

“I’m waiting to kill [Name] first, I have personal respect for those I’m interested in killing,” Hisoka quipped, eyes glimmering.

“You didn’t offer that respect for Kortopi or Shalnark, what changes now?” You hissed at Hisoka, ignoring Chrollo turning his head to look at you.

Your hands squeezed Chrollo’s arms, sliding your hands to his shoulders as Hisoka laughed quietly. Chrollo turned his body to guard you against Hisoka as he tried to circle you, only making Hisoka laugh louder; a knowing look gleaming in his eyes as his smile widened into amusement.

“I didn’t want to fight them, I wanted to hurt Chrollo. I want to fight you. Killing you will hurt him, then I’ll kill everyone else, and finally, once he’s all alone and has no one, I’ll kill him,” Hisoka spoke as his tone continued to get more and more excited, ecstasy taking place in his face again.

“Seeing as I already killed you, best of luck to you, Hisoka,” Chrollo murmured, a small indifferent smile on his face.

The concern in Chrollo’s actions versus the words and the smile on his face told you two distinct things. Hisoka is smarter than that to know that Chrollo is genuinely indifferent. At one point, he would have been indifferent and he would have thought Chrollo truly didn’t care. Chrollo showed his bluff in keeping you away from Hisoka, seeing as you’re his key target.

Hisoka only beamed over at Chrollo.

“Thank you,” he mumbled.

You watched his hand move from behind him to pull out a card, and before it could hit Chrollo in the throat, you put your hand against it, covering his whole throat. You hissed in pain as the card stabbed you in the back of the hand, watching Hisoka smirk.

“As I thought, you’d do that. I just wanted to see how my dear [Name] was doing, and I believe we’ll be fighting soon, until then,” Hisoka spoke as he left the room, not without throwing another card that landed in front of Chrollo with the Joker placard face up on the floor.

You hissed, sitting down on the dusty sofa as you stared at the ace of spades card coated in your blood. Chrollo looked over your hand with a faint sigh, concern in his eyes.

“I’ll be back, stay put,” Chrollo mumbled and pulled out his phone. From the hall, you could hear him calling Nonbunaga to find a new building since Hisoka got in.

The Joker placard is a cruel tease. You felt powerless against Hisoka. Hisoka had you wrapped around your finger since he’s the dealer.

You view this as a game of Blackjack where Hisoka is the dealer. He holds the deck of cards. You only have a small number in front of you while the other card is unknown. Your only choice is to stay, hit, or fold. Hisoka dealt you the card you don’t know of, and with Hisoka, he has options for each move you make. If you stay, he finds you and fights you first, possibly kills you and Chrollo. If you hit, you find him by yourself and make the rash decision to fight him thinking you have the upper hand, he’ll turn it against you. If you fold, you run away from everything to save Chrollo, Hisoka finds you. He chased Chrollo to fight him, he’ll continue to chase you. There’s no winning hand in this game of Blackjack with Hisoka.

“I have bandages, we’ll be moving to a new building once I patch your hand. Everyone’s notified and are coming back,” Chrollo spoke with haste, bending down and gently tugged the card out of your hand.

“He knew I’d put my hand there,” you whispered, watching him clean the wound, making you hiss at the sting.

“I knew you’d put your hand there, he would too,” Chrollo matched your whisper with one of his own, drying the wound and putting pressure against it to stop the bleeding.

“He’ll kill me, Chrollo,” you whispered, not daring to meet his gaze.

Your eyes watered, hopelessness filling your chest. There’s no winning, you’ll die and fail your mission. You’ll die meaning nothing. You have yourself; you do nothing but kill for money. All your material items have no meaning to you. You mean nothing to no one; you had no one since your parents abandoned you as a child in Meteor City. Chrollo had people, and he couldn’t die. You would fail him and the family he made. You’ll die letting down the one person who saw you and means something to you.

Chrollo’s hand gripped your chin, lifting your head to look at him. A warm tear falling down your cheek as you met his stern expression. You couldn’t tell if he’s angry with you, you didn’t want him to be, but Hisoka always has the upper hand and he knows how you’ll react. He knows your Nen enough to know you’re ready to fight; he knows.

“He won’t kill you, I won’t let that happen,” he mumbled, voice gentle and filled with assurance.

“How?” your voice sounded broken, it’s ugly but Chrollo didn’t seem to care.

“I’ll make a plan, for now, we need to heal your hand and make sure you’re strong. First, we’ll move buildings so we’re safe,” he mumbled, releasing your chin.

You nodded, watching him lift the towel and dressed your wounds in gauze and a bandage. He’s gentle as he wraps it, eyes focused as he checks your face to make sure it isn’t too tight or causing you any discomfort/pain. You wiped your cheek with your other hand, a small smile gracing your face as a warm feeling encompassed your stomach.

“Thank you… sorry for crying,” you whispered, watching him chuckle.

“Don’t be sorry, I cry too, you’re welcome,” Chrollo mumbled.

He moved back to his reading spot, grabbing the book, and blew out all the candles. Your eyes adjusted to the darkness, looking at the Joker card in front of your feet. You felt the cool hand slipping into yours, distracting you from the card to meet the kind grey eyes looking at you.

“Ignore that, I’ll make sure you’re safe,” he whispered, and you couldn’t help but trust him.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so busy this week I'm in tears I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I'm super pumped for Chapter 5!
> 
> Like I said above, my tumblr is gurensichinose if you wanna interact and I post more writing content on there!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your long awaited fight with Hisoka finally arrives with Chrollo as the pawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is gurensichinose if you'd like to interact! I'd love your thoughts!!   
> You can also request things on there!

The new building you’re in is cleaner. The cots don’t have a layer of dirt, and the building doesn’t smell like mold. It’s been a week and a half since you last saw Hisoka, Chrollo sticking by your side to strengthen you with little words of praise and reassurance that you’ll be safe. You won’t die. He’ll make sure you’re safe and never let you get a word in edgewise, it’s you who’s supposed to be keeping him safe. 

_ “[Name], I need you to focus on your own life rather than mine,” Chrollo always reprimanded you.  _

How can you focus on your life when you’re hired to protect him? When Hisoka finishes with you, he’ll come back for Chrollo and finish his life in one go. Chrollo may have killed him before when he wasn’t concerned for anyone’s life. Now, he’s concerned for the rest of his family’s survival. Every move you make, any time you control your Zetsu, Hatsu, Kyo, etc, you’re thinking about the smug smile on Hisoka’s face that’s splattered in Chrollo’s blood if you cannot win your fight with him. You’ve come to terms with it happening. Whether you like it or not, you’ll face him in his own game. 

The building is quiet save for your footsteps echoing in the building, checking each empty room to see if you can find Chrollo. He’s been by your side, not once leaving you unless it’s parting for sleep. It’s strange that now he isn’t here, you’re supposed to train today. You’re at your peak with your Nen, and a day off is something you didn’t want, even if he is insistent on you taking breaks. 

He’s been especially kind lately. He’s always been kind, but now it’s more of him genuinely caring for your well being in times where you don’t. It’s making sure you’re healthy, it’s making sure you’re fed and hydrated, making sure you feel protected. Your life has meaning to him. He holds your hand, plays with your hair, wipes your tears if you cry, and holds you in times where you seem too upset to come back from it. 

Your heart can’t help but feel attached to him. You didn’t understand the meaning of it, and maybe it’s something deep inside of you that you need to pry out. Why saving his life means so much to you versus anyone else you’ve let die in your arms or next to you. Why his touches and praise make your heart flutter and feel ten times lighter. His aides of comfort relax you better than anything else could even attempt to. You didn’t know, and now you miss him being by your side, it’s something you’re not accustomed to. 

“Chrollo?” You call out finally after checking two floors and not seeing him. 

Briefly, you wonder if he went out to run errands he mentioned a few days ago. Someone owes him something, needs to get it back, your help isn’t required. Something like that rings a bell. You pat your pants down, realizing your phone is missing. You jogged up the two flights, walking into your bedroom to see your phone on your cot. You picked it up, turning on the home screen to see a text message with Chrollo’s name from 15 minutes ago. 

**Chrollo** : Come to the alleyway alone where we first met, pet - ⭐ - _- **💧**

You felt the room around you shrink in size; it felt all too close. Too real, you could barely breathe, it felt suffocating. Hisoka got Chrollo? Did Chrollo go out and get captured? How could this happen? Then, a haunting thought hit you that made your eyes water. Is he still alive?

You pocketed the phone, running out of the building in a strong sprint. The rain fell, making you curse, but you continued. Chrollo needed you and you needed to see him alive. You didn’t expect to see him captured by Hisoka, it’s a thought you entertained but always thought Chrollo had more power than Hisoka to allow these circumstances to even occur. 

Panic raided your mind, you couldn’t process anything besides fear that Chrollo is dead. You’d be next. Or you’d die and Chrollo would be next. Your body is shaking with each step making your legs shake, your forehead sweats the more you panicked. It became hard to breathe, and you had to take a quick breath. Your back hit the cool wet brick wall, rain pouring down on you as you closed your eyes, mumbling to yourself to breathe as you thought back to Chrollo’s soothing words. 

_ “[Name], everything will be okay if you have the confidence to beat him. If you don’t show fear, if you show confidence, you’ll be able to think, you’ll be able to win and kill him,” Chrollo mumbled, fingers cupping your cheek.  _

You could feel the imprint of his warm hand against your cheek, the melody of his voice melting in your ears, and vibrating in your mind. The relaxing feeling that entranced you brought your breathing back to normal, your body relaxing as it stopped shaking. Your cool wet fingers brushed over the ghost of Chrollo’s fingers, hoping you’d be able to feel them again. 

Sprinting once more, you cut in and out of alleyways to reach the first one you met Hisoka in. It didn’t take much longer before you got there, witnessing Hisoka standing in the rain with his face paint smeared against his face, blocking the slumped over figure of Chrollo. 

“Chrollo!” You called out, starting to dash over to him before a hand gripped your throat at an arm’s distance; long nails brushing against your carotid as you struggled to breathe.

“No hello for me?” Hisoka teased, that sickening sweet smile on his lips. 

“Let me see he’s alive, and then I’ll fight you,” you croaked out as the grip around your throat grew tighter. 

Hisoka looked you over, your fingers wrapping around his wrist as you shot him a pleading look. Hisoka rolled his eyes, releasing your throat and moved out of the way to lean on the opposite brick wall. Chrollo’s slumped figure moved, chest heaving up and down. You breathed out a shaky sigh of relief, dropping onto your knees next to him. Carefully you cupped his cheeks to get a good look at him. Blood dripping from his forehead and mouth, eyes blearily blinking open at you as a smile came across his face; grimacing as the cut on his lip opened. Around his body was Hisoka’s bungee gum, holding him in place. Cuts to his ankles so he couldn’t stand without a long struggle, cuts against the sun and moon on the back of his hands. 

“He isn’t my primary target, so he’s alive,” Hisoka spoke from behind you, making you turn his head to see him watching you in a predatory gaze. 

“Let him go,” you demanded, watching his eyebrow raise and humored smile grace his lips. 

“Kill me, and he’ll be free,” Hisoka offered, making you look to Chrollo once more who stared at you the entire time. 

“Remember what I said,” Chrollo whispered, blood dripping down his chin. 

Your heart churned. It hurt to see him look like this. It’s your fault. You provoked Hisoka; you got Chrollo now to be a pawn, and now you have to finish it. You nodded at Chrollo, standing up, and turned around to face Hisoka. You activated your Hatsu, hiding the blades on the back of your ankles and wrist, Ken at the ready for defense. 

Hisoka got the hint, but he didn’t move. You expected him to charge at you first and you remained on defense before he circled you, turning with each step he made. You knew if he touched you, it’d be over for you since his bungee gum is his way of controlling you. Hisoka fished out his cards from his pocket, shuffling them in his hands. The cards were slick under the rain, but he didn’t lose a single one. It wasn’t until he threw a card at you, you ducked, watching him run towards you. 

You crawled on the ground, kicking your leg up and placing a Hatsu blade at the top of your foot; slicing open his hand to make him drop the cards. He hummed, a small laugh emitting from his throat as you moved your leg before he could catch it, sliding from under his legs to avoid his touch. 

“Clever, did he teach you that?” Hisoka spoke as he gestured to Chrollo. 

“None of your business,” you snapped, only making him grin. 

“You made an error, however,” He chided lightly, his tone amused. 

Hisoka lifted his uninjured hand, flicking it quickly to drag you back over to him, and with his bloody hand, he bashed your head against the concrete. A burning sensation gushed through your nose as copper flooded your mouth. You could faintly hear Chrollo calling your name as Hisoka dragged you up by the hair. 

“You getting anywhere near me leaves you open for my bungee gum, and you left yourself open. A pity, I think you could do with more training, but that sounds tedious since you’re impeding me killing the troupe,” Hisoka whispered in your ear, fear tangling in your mind. 

Hisoka released your hair only to move his hand around your throat, squeezing it tightly as he lifted you off the ground; throwing you against the opposite brick wall. As you fell, your back ached as bricks surrounded your body, making you cough blood onto the wet concrete. Hisoka flicked his hand once more to drag you back by the throat, kicking your stomach in and stepping on it. He used his bungee gum to bring back his deck of cards, flicking one by one to stab you in the arms, stomach, and legs. 

You couldn’t yell, you couldn’t even think about anything besides Chrollo as your blood spilled onto the pavement. Blood poured out from your mouth as small whimpers and grunts left as Hisoka stabbed your arms with five cards each, your legs with eight cards each, and your stomach with three. Your body is aching, pulsating around the cards that plunged so deeply the corners were sticking out of your flesh. Hisoka kneeled, his white pants soaking in your blood as he yanked you onto your knees, making you yelp; hand wound tightly in your hair to jerk you to look over at Chrollo. 

“Look at him. Look at how desperate he is for you to live,” Hisoka mumbled, jerking your head to look over at Chrollo. 

You couldn’t tell if he was crying, but it looked like it as he called your name. You couldn’t hear him, you could only hear your weakening heartbeat, the rain against the concrete, and Hisoka’s breath against your ear. 

It hit you now before you die why Chrollo’s life is so important to you. Without Chrollo, who would be there to live a future with you? You never intended to leave after this finished unless he made you. You wanted to stay; you wanted to learn him from the inside out. You wanted to memorize every detail about him like a map, sleep in the same warm bed as him, and hear his stories. You wanted to read books with him in the early morning as you drink coffee or tea. You wanted to see his smile when he stole something he wanted; you wanted his love and affection to pour on you. You wanted to give him your love and affection. You have feelings for him. 

You snapped back into reality once Hisoka pulled your hair back to rest your head on his shoulder. The world is fading in and out around you, but you could still feel the card resting against your neck. 

“[Name]! Just hold on for me, okay?” Chrollo called out, his voice sounding desperate and broken, and you’re sure he’s crying. 

“I adore you,” you whispered, Hisoka smiling down at you as he’s the only one who can hear you.

“I’m sure that declaration would touch him, but it’s a pity he’ll never get to hear it,” he taunted, the card ambling to cut into your skin. 

His motions stilled after that. You felt the body behind you go limp as you fell on your side. Your head lazily turned back to see a gold needle sticking out from Hisoka’s shoulder. 

“Illumi, you got here just in time,” Chrollo called out, your eyes starting to flutter shut. 

You felt cold, your body so heavy, but you could feel warm hands cupping your face and Chrollo’s voice in your mind. 

“Stay with me, we’ll fix you,” Chrollo’s panicked voice floated in your head. 

_ ‘He’s alive, he won’t die,’ _ The last words invaded your mind as you drifted into a peaceful sleep. 

  
  


Chrollo was panicking as he stared down at your unconscious body; tears falling down his face as he carried you in bridal style. He ran as fast as he could to the building they all stayed at, using his free hand to call Machi to stitch you up with her nen stitches. He could only hope those would save you, you were unconscious, and he worries he’ll lose you forever if he can’t fix you now. 

Chrollo ran you to your bedroom, Machi already waiting for you in there. Her eyes widening at both you and Chrollo. Your blood covers his entire body. You’re a deathly shade of pale. Machi gets you laid down before removing the cards. She’s quick and efficient in her work, sewing you up after each wound opens. She sews the cuts on your face, but she can’t fix the dark bruises surrounding your nose or the cut on your swollen lip. You’re still pale when she’s done, but you’re breathing. 

“She’ll need a rest period for a while, I can watch her for you,” Machi quietly offered, watching over your sleeping body. 

“No, no. I’ll do it. I want to make sure she’s never in harm’s way like that again,” Chrollo muttered in a broken hoarse voice, stepping to you to push your damp hair from your face. 

Machi nodded, humming at his response.

“Where’s Hisoka now?” Machi asked, watching Chrollo sit beside you. 

“Illumi has him, I told him if I didn’t text him by one or two in the afternoon that I’d be in danger with Hisoka and to find me. He came as asked. I told her I’d have a plan to make sure she wouldn’t die. I wish it was a better one that doesn’t have her severely injured,” he whispered sadly, taking your hand and kissing it despite being caked in dried blood. 

“You did what you could and I’m sure she appreciates it,” Machi offered, hand on Chrollo’s shoulder. 

“Now, I need to patch you up and you can come back and insure she’s okay soon,” Machi whispered, making Chrollo hesitate but nod. 

He rose from the chair, following Machi out of the room but not before stopping at the door frame to see your chest rising and falling. The thought of you dying made him feel so empty and lonely inside. He almost lost you. His heart and soul were in flames watching what could have been your last moments and he would’ve been powerless. He wasn’t on guard; he didn’t pay attention, Hisoka caught him at a weak spot and took him. His carelessness almost got you killed. He almost had to face the rest of his life without you in it. 

Chrollo shuts the door, finding himself confused when did he picture you there for the rest of his life and why did it bring so many pleasurable sensations to think about? He shook it off, not wanting to understand himself. He’ll save that for another day. For now, he just wants to see you wake and hear your voice say his name again. He isn’t sure why. 

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your truth about Chrollo comes to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is gurensichinose let me know what you think!

The warmth of a familiar hand encompasses yours, fingertips brushing over your knuckles. Your eyes blearily blinking open, coming face to face with a throbbing sensation in your nose. The hand holding yours belonged to Chrollo, who seemed lost in thought as he stared at your hand intertwined with his own. You squeezed his hand softly, watching his body jump a little before looking over your form.

“[Name], I’m so glad you’re awake,” he whispered, a sigh of relief following his words.

“Are you okay?” You croak out, watching him roll his eyes.  
He looked fine, Machi must’ve used her stitches on his forehead. He looked untouched. You still felt weak, your blood didn’t regenerate to the healthy amount.

“I’m not the one who’s been unconscious for three days and you’re asking me if I’m okay. How are you feeling?” He asks, releasing your hand to stand up and grab you a bottle of water.

You noticed the change of scenery from the room you had chosen to Chrollo’s. His room is the biggest one with a window that shows the entire surrounding area, peering out into the city only a few blocks away. 

Pushing yourself onto your elbows, you winced at the pain in your body from your back, then your head throbbed. Being thrown against a brick wall isn’t for everyone. Neither is having your head smashed into the ground.

“Back and head hurt… three days?” You parroted, watching him nod and come back to you with water from a small cooler and four small red pills, guiding you to lie back down.

“Figured as much. Lie down, take these and drink water,” Chrollo instructed, observing you make sure you complied.

“Is Hisoka dead? What happened?” You ask eyes on Chrollo who grew a soft smile, gently pushing hair from your face.

“I’m afraid not. I told you I had a plan, and I planned to get Illumi to track me had I not answered past one or two in the afternoon the day I went out. My plan originally was for Illumi to kill Hisoka, and he tranquilized him for me to save you. Although, Hisoka paid Illumi more so he could kill you, and then Illumi could kill him. He’s not dead, but you’re alive and that’s what matters,” he finishes, ignoring the scowl on your face.

“That isn’t what matters. I knew Hisoka would pay him more to either not kill him or something! Illumi isn’t someone to trust, and now Hisoka is still alive, and now you’ll be dead soon,” you snapped, huffing.

Your head is throbbing from the thoughts barraging your skull, eyes fluttering shut. Chrollo sighed from beside you, but it’s a sigh of annoyance. His warm fingertips grabbed your jaw, turning him to face you. Your eyes only widened as they shot open, meeting his ominous gaze.

“Do you not realize you were almost a hair stroke away from death or are you that careless to think I value your life over a clown trying to kill mine over a petty reason?” Chrollo snapped, for the first time he lost his temper with you.

“I value your life over mine!” You jerked your head away from his fingers as you exclaimed.

“Why? Why do you do that? What’s the point if you die so recklessly to save my life? What do you gain? What do I gain? Knowing your blood is on my hands, knowing I’ll never get to wake and see you there with an impatient look on your face to start the day. What is the point if we defeat Hisoka and I can’t see you by my side to celebrate?” He finishes breathlessly, a vein popping in his forehead.

You couldn’t find the words to come up with at the moment, your temper subsiding. It registers to you you’re so important to him he wants you by his side. He sees you in his future, and you already knew you wanted him in your future. You knew you wanted to see him every morning; you knew you wanted to lie beside him at night, learn his world, see the way he sees the world in his eyes.

“You have people who value you, and you have a family. I have nothing,” you mumble, deciding to wait to ask about his own words.

“I value you, and you have a family with us,” Chrollo mumbles, taking your hand back to hold, but you’re the one to lace your fingers together.

You’re not sure where the sudden idea comes to be brave, but you finally want to admit the truth. You observe him as his thumbs soothingly brush against the back of your hand, his eyes never leaving you. It’s safe here, you think as you look into the grey eyes in front of you.

“I grew up in Meteor City alongside you,” you whisper, watching surprise morph on his face. “I watched you ever since I can remember, and I admired you. You were so strong, you took care of your friends, and I wanted no one near me. I thought I was beneath everyone and worth nothing since my parents left me in a place where the forgotten rot. I trained myself, I taught myself how to fight, I hardened myself for the life of an assassin. I watched you though, and I always wondered what it must be like to be underneath your umbrella of care. Nothing fills me with the sense of satisfaction of knowing you know I exist, and you care,” your voice trailed off towards the end, eyes no longer on his.

“You knew who I was when I approached you?” Chrollo mused, watching you nod.

“How could I ever forget you? You made a family somewhere that’s meant to not have a family, a place where we were left to die. I stayed alone, I turned my back to the world because I mean nothing,” your eyes stung while you whispered.

“I know who you are now, and you mean everything to me,” he whispered back, turning your chin to face him again.

A realization dawned on his face, you could see it in his eyes. His hand slowly retracting from your chin as he stared at you. You’re not sure what he realized, but you wanted to come clean about how you felt about him. He sees you in his future, but you can’t be in his unless he’s by your side in a way you’d like. You’re too selfish now, you raised yourself in nothing and you want everything. You got a high paying (albeit dangerous) job for a reason, so you could have anything you wanted. Chrollo isn’t something you can buy.

“I mention this because I didn’t have you then, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to have you now. I feel things for you like I see you in my future and I see a life where you’re in it every day, where you hold me and confess to me how you see the world. You bring me to see the world with you, you give me affection, I give them to you in return. You mention how you see me by your side, but I can’t be by your side because I’m too selfish to have you in any other way. I’ll understand if the feelings aren’t returned but I can’t be here when Hisoka is dead,” your tone takes on a sense of sadness to it that Chrollo seemed to empathize with.

He said nothing, and he continued to hold your hand. His eyes averting from your eyes to the hand intertwined in his own. You could tell his mind is racing at a million miles per hour, but you’re not sure if it’s because of what you said or the realization he had. A lump filled your throat that felt like a stuck bundle of nerves. You’re expecting a rejection, Chrollo telling you he cares for you, but not in the same way. You’re expecting an early goodbye so he doesn’t have to say one in front of Hisoka’s corpse.

“Perhaps I care for you so much and want to see you in my future because I share those feelings for you too. I don’t understand them, I don’t understand myself, and as much as I’d like you all to myself, I don’t feel as if I’d be someone you could share a life with,” he whispers. It sounds heartbroken.

Your hand delicately retracts itself from his, eyes not meeting his as water welled in them once more. You’re not sure if he’s giving up immediately before trying, but he doesn’t have to try. He doesn’t owe you the time to try, but it upsets you he isn’t trying for himself.

“Have you ever tried? Have you ever considered happiness outside of theft?” You meant for it to sound more forceful, but it came out meek and hurt.

Chrollo looked thoughtful, and you knew you had to master your patience. He isn’t an expert with his feelings, he barely figured out he had feelings for you moments ago. You give him the time to think in silence, twiddling your fingers. You didn’t know what to think; you didn’t know what he’d say; you didn’t know if you’d stay.

“You make me happy, so yes there is happiness outside of theft, but I don’t think I’d be someone who could give you what you want,” he mumbles, and you know how he isn’t willing to try.

This upsets you and not because you’re upset you don’t have the opportunity but upset because he’s stopping his happiness before he can even decide if it’s worth it. He isn’t understanding he gives you what you want, and with a frustrated sigh, you glare at him.

“You give me what I want, you give me the opportunities to understand you and you understand me. I’m not asking for a prince charming to sweep me off my feet, I’m asking for you to be yourself. I want you to know I’m not upset that you’re not trying for my sake, I’m upset you’re not trying for your own,” you chided.

Chrollo stared at you, ominous in his gaze. It’s blank, you can’t read him and you never have been able to. You’re sure now you’ll never be able to. You’ll leave after this finishes, and when Chrollo rises from the bedside chair, your heart sinks.

“I need to think on this and take space,” Chrollo mumbles, standing at the door frame, “I’ll ask Machi to check on you. I don’t think I can be the image you’re seeking, but you raise interesting points I didn’t take time to consider. Seeing you makes it hard since all I want to do is take all of you and hide you away. It’s complicated, how close I want to be to you while also pushing you away to be with someone better. Someone who could give the right things,” Chrollo trailed off, making your heartache. You didn’t want Machi to watch you, you wanted him.

“If I was too hurtful, I apologize… do you have to go for a while?” You ask, unsure, sad, hurt.

“It’s the only way I can get an answer. I don’t want to say goodbye to you, but if I feel like it’s the best thing to do, then I’m afraid I’ll let you go. I’ll be back for you, [Name], and soon you’ll know my answer,” and with that, he left.

You’re left lying in his bed, a tear falling down your cheek. You knew he’d come back soon, but you couldn’t help but feel you pushed him away. He needs time to think; you knew already he has a hard time processing emotions, but you didn’t know that he would need space to be alone to rationally think since you cloud his mind. You could only hope the rational part of his brain would tell him to try, but you’re more than sure you’ll say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the kind comments and taking the time to read!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi helps you form a plan and strike a bargain with Hisoka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is gurensichinose if you'd like to see more writing i do! i take requests there!

The ghost of Chrollo haunts your bedroom, and the halls for the past few days until your health returns. You never once saw him, but you could sense his presence. Whether it be at your doorframe or when you wake up and the door just shuts. Now, once you could wander around the building, you couldn’t see him. His presence didn’t linger, Chrollo left.

Feitan doubted that you didn’t know where he could’ve gone. You remember his fingers against your throat, knives sharp as blades, and pricked at your skin. He didn’t listen to reasoning among the others until Machi used her nen to restrain him. He listened. She defended you; she had been the one watching over you instead of Chrollo. No one knew where he was, and now it fell to all of you to deal with the matter at hand until he returns: Hisoka.

Anger still ignited your veins at Illumi’s presence in the troupe, and after your two weeks of healing, you decided he’s the first issue to tackle. Illumi agreed to meet you, and as expected of him he’s perfectly on time. Eyes void of emotion, long hair flowing down to his waist. Illumi’s pretty if you looked at him long enough, but you didn’t want to look at him for too long since you felt angry.

You knew logically that Illumi didn’t betray anyone. He joined the troupe on a commission of Hisoka to kill him. Hisoka’s interesting, but he’s clever. He knew having Illumi in the troupe would cast suspicion upon him, and Illumi might be the most competent person to turn to in killing Hisoka. You’ve had time to think about it, and you will not call him out and send him away, but you will express how you felt.

“You called,” he says, sitting down beside you on the bed where you’re practicing your Hatsu; blades growing from your palms and disappearing.

“Is it true Hisoka paid you more to spare his life?” Your voice fills the room, it has an edge to it, anger.

“Yes, it’s true,” Illumi’s voice is opposite to yours.

His voice is free, careless, and he looks like the weight of the world slides off him even if the thought crossed his mind. He doesn’t care much about anything. Part of you wishes you could relate. You’re angry with Illumi, hurt and sad because of Chrollo, stressed and on edge because of Hisoka, you’re feeling a lot. It’s the most you’ve felt since you tasted freedom, or when you were about to die and all the feelings you had been suppressing for Chrollo came forward.

“Do you even want to kill him?” You hissed, turning your head to meet the black eyes that stared straight ahead of him.

He put his finger to his lower lip, a small smile that looked creepy than it did anything else.

“He’s an annoyance. He’s never posed a threat to me until he mentioned harming my family, but he didn’t. Hisoka has his tastes, and he’s my only friend. He knows me well enough to exploit that my career comes before anything else, including friendship. I don’t have a personal bias but if it’s what I’m paid to do I’ll do it,” Illumi finishes, head-turning to meet yours while he tucks his hair behind his ear.

“Your career comes before anything else? Isn’t that lonely?” You mumble, watching him shake his head.

“I have my family, and I care little for loneliness. Being an assassin is lonely, you should know that” He shrugs.

You remember that loneliness. You remember the loneliness you’ve felt your whole life, not just in the career path you chose. Being under the attention Chrollo poured out to you every day made you think about what you wanted. A place to belong, people to need/want you around instead of a service you’re providing. You couldn’t help but think of Chrollo, your heart aching at his missing presence for two weeks.

“I had my doubts about you. I knew Hisoka would pay you to not kill him or even to kill us, I knew you’d do it. You don’t want to kill him though like the rest of us, so I suppose I can’t be too angry with you,” you murmur, eyes down on the floor.

“Hisoka placed me here to cast your doubts about me. It’s not ideal to kill him, but I respect my career choice and upholding my family name,” he matches your tone, and you trick yourself into thinking there’s feeling, but his face is void of it.

“Did he give you specific terms of his new payment?” You ask now, watching his eyes widen as he turned to you.

“I’m afraid not. His terms were to pay me more to spare me to fight you again, he didn’t say when, if you had to die if you had to agree to the fight. It’s an open-ended bargain, no contract like the one we have,” Illumi smiles as he speaks, and it seems like the both of you agree.

Illumi calls Hisoka to ask for a meeting, and it’s the most emotion you see the taller man have. He sighs of annoyance. You could tell Hisoka annoys him, but it’s obvious Illumi doesn’t mind. Studying Illumi is proving to be a fantastic distraction from the missing person by your side. You’ve never seen someone like Illumi before who seems to be on an emotional auto-pilot with high intelligence. You wonder where it comes from, but you know better than to ask. He seems to be private about his family life.

He drives you both to the meeting place Hisoka chose. A public place, probably to put you at ease, is what Illumi theorizes. It’s a silent ride that has you thinking about what Chrollo is doing. Would he be okay with you handling his business with Hisoka? Would he be okay with you putting yourself in danger? He wouldn’t, not after everything he said at your bedside before he left to think. You couldn’t think about Chrollo, not when you’re pulling up to a cafe and Hisoka’s red hair is visible in the window.

“Ignore anything he says to tease you, he’s annoying and pushes all the right buttons on purpose. We’re here for business, and your temper won’t help, I’m here to end his life and help you so follow my lead,” Illumi’s voice is stern, not mean but in a matter-of-factly way.

“I trust you,” you state confidently, and you both exit the car to walk into the cafe.

Hisoka’s hands folded beneath his chin, a smug smile on his face as his gold eyes met yours. He looks unharmed compared to you, who still has a bandage on your nose. He came out better than you did, Illumi must’ve not gotten much of a chance to do anything before they struck the bargain.

“You look better than expected, surprised you’re meeting with me, pet,” Hisoka croons as you sit across from him.

Illumi’s advice is important to remember. You know that Hisoka is doing this to upset you. You look at him calmly, hands folded on the table as you ignore the menu beneath your hands.

“I heard you changed your terms with Illumi regarding your contract, you paid him to wait to fight me again. I came here to write into that contract an actual fight on an actual date. From that date on, Illumi is more than welcome to kill you,” You stated, and from beside you you could see Illumi looking over at you.

You planned to follow his lead, but you needed to put your boot on Hisoka’s throat, have him pinned down underneath you, and playing into your hand rather than you playing into his. You have a plan, Illumi helped you come up with it, it’s a matter of Hisoka becoming trapped into his web.

“Illumi, do you agree with this?” Hisoka sounds serious for once, and when Illumi nods, Hisoka raises his hand to snap his fingers to grab the attention of a nearby waiter.

“I couldn’t help but notice you said from that date on. Would that include the day of the scheduled fight? Do you plan for Chrollo to save your life once more when you’re on the brink of your last breath?” Hisoka spoke as he looked through the menu, and you fell silent with your fist clenched under the table as the waiter approached.

Hisoka ordered for the table, a round of earl grey tea and cream with scones. He’s taking his time to let his words soak into your mind, and it’s hard for you to listen to Illumi’s words and remain calm. Your temper is a bit of an issue, but you kept a calm exterior as the anger bubbled, preparing to lash out in your words.

“It’s an offer, Hisoka. I need to know when you’re both going to fight. On that day and exact time, I know you’ll be fighting her and my terms of being paid would complete. You paid me to spare you until you fight her again, you didn’t specify I had to wait until your fight is over,” Illumi took over for you, making you relax as you mentally thanked him.

Hisoka’s fingernails tapped against the table, sitting in silence as the waiter brought the tea to the table and the assortment of scones. He grabbed a teacup, pouring himself tea and cream then grabbing a scone.

“Fine, you have until next week on Friday at nine pm, would that be suitable for both of you?” Hisoka offers, sipping the tea and dipping the scone into the cup.

“Where?” You ask now, watching Hisoka shrug as a smile graces his lips.

“You choose,” He mumbles, making you look over to Illumi.

Illumi seems to have an idea of a place, taking a scone for himself and a cup of tea to soak the scone into.

“The previous building the troupe was staying in had a field. I’m sure you’re aware of it, it’ll take place there. There’s room and no place to hide,” Illumi mumbles and takes a bite, and it seems fair enough.

Hisoka nodded, eyes meeting yours as he gestured the plate to you. You hadn’t eaten yet, but you didn’t want to take advantage of the clear faux hospitality. You took a scone and your cup of tea, pouring in some cream.

“Does that sound fair to you, pet?” Hisoka asks, and you nod.

“Next Friday at nine at the field of our previous building,” you reiterate. The other two men nod.

Hisoka stands, taking money out of his pants, and sets it on the table. He bows his head to both of you, a wide Cheshire the cat smile gracing his lips.

“I’ll be seeing you soon then, pet. Bring Chrollo along next time, would you? Strange to see you by Illumi’s side than Chrollo’s. Especially after you so sweetly said you adore him,” Hisoka spoke teasingly before he turned around, hips swaying as he walked.

Your eyes closed, letting out a tired sigh, making your hands run through your hair.

“I can’t stand him,” you whisper.

“I said he’s an annoyance,” Illumi states matter-of-factly.

You know it’s not supposed to be funny, but the careless way Illumi says it makes you laugh. Your eyes open and look up at him who looks confused at your laughing. You nudge him with your elbow, lifting the cup of tea now to sip from it.

“Thank you for helping me put this plan together. I hope Chrollo agrees with it whenever he comes back,” you mumble after you sip the drink.

“He will, he has no reason to,” Illumi confidently says, sliding out of the booth, “come we have to train you. Chrollo went too easy on you.”

You could feel the warmth of Chrollo’s hand in yours, in your memory from your times of training before. Maybe he went too easy on you, but you didn’t mind if you could feel the warmth of his hand against yours. You wish you could just see him sitting somewhere and reading a book, a small smile on his face when he realizes you’re in the room.

“Right,” you mumble sadly, sliding out of the booth to join Illumi by his side until Chrollo comes back to be next to you. At his rightful place.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading so far! sorry this took a bit, life do be busy.

**Author's Note:**

> if you wanna keep in contact with me i'm at gurensichinose on tumblr


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